Tag: God

Waves of Change

There’s a different flavor to this entry – much more personally vulnerable than usual, but hopefully helpful to those facing a similar situation.

Alteration, modification, variation, transformation, adjustment, amendment. I like all of these words better than plain old “change”. More syllables somehow gives a sense of fluidity and even feels gentler verbalizing than the abrupt and harsh “change”.

I am facing unwanted, fast change in my life. I don’t mind things ebbing and flowing over the natural course of time. I don’t mind a surprise now and again. But massive, out-of-the-blue change – the kind that knocks you on your rear end and the breath out of your lungs? Or how about the baited change – when you expect one thing and get the other. Of those I’m not much of a fan.

You can utter all the platitudes, repeat all the affirmations, read all the quotes, get patted on the back by friends, and try to pick yourself up. And, most times, in your head you know that things will eventually smooth out and you’ll get back on track again.

Then there are those times when forced change can spin you into the Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief. (Here’s a quick list so you don’t have to search: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.) I think there should be another step squeezed in there somewhere: being frozen.

For more than a few months now I have been going through a tough time spurred by a rising river of unwanted, uncontrollable change. I was expecting some change, but it came in greater number, speed, and force than I had prepared for. It spilled out of the river banks and wiped away the sandbags I had stacked around certain areas of my life. Nothing was protected. All I could do was stand there and watch it pour over me and around me and watch it carry everything in every area my life away with it. There has been nothing that hasn’t been affected. I haven’t really talked about it with anyone at any length and prayer bounces off the ceiling. Writer’s block has taken full root (this entry is one of maybe three things I’ve written in months). I put up a barricade by freezing myself from feeling anything or reacting to anything, relegating myself to a sort of half-life:  there physically but not emotionally.

Then last week, something sort of happened.  I continued to be deluged by unexpected blows and watching myself not responding. Maybe it was a “last straw” type of thing but when I received one certain piece of news I sunk down into the chair I was sitting in and thought to myself, “But I don’t want to be an empty shell person.” When you stop fighting all the changes, but not in a let’s-figure-this-out-and-move-on kind of way, then you allow the changes to beat you up and toss you emotionally and spiritually into nothingness. I’ve seen people like that. They’ve resigned themselves to victim status and accept whatever is thrown their way, thinking it is what they deserve, too worn out to hope for anything more. Their lights go out. And they never recover. I said, out loud, “I don’t want to be like that. I want to recover. I don’t want other people to face that, I want to help them recover before it’s too late.” And a little spark was lit. 

It wasn’t a blinding revelation, there was no instant transformation.  I still feel very deflated.  But there is a spark.  A lot of tears have blurred my eyes as I’ve written this entry. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen from here. I don’t know if Burn Bright will change (or even continue) as a blog or business. I don’t know where I’ll be living or working or worshipping or people I’ll hang out with, or activities I’ll participate in this coming year. But rather than roll up in a frozen ball and be tossed in the waves as the changes continue, I’m going to try to thaw, stretch out, bodysurf, and ride them to whatever shore they are taking me. 

There’s Nothing Wrong with New Year’s Resolutions

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making New Year’s Resolutions.  A resolution is simply a firm decision, a determination to change something.  Nothing wrong with that… but don’t leave it at that.  Doing two simple things will take it out of the realm of mere intention:

  1. Tie your resolution to the purpose God has for your life. Fitting it into the big picture gives it a meaning and value that will take it beyond just the heady rush of the first week of the new year.
  2. Write down the resolution in the form of an actual goal.  Use the SMART acronym to get it on paper and in your heart and mind.

goals

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making New Year’s Resolutions, but without a form to them, an actual reason and an actual plan, what’s the point? Be intentional. Burn bright.

name logo

When That “Someone Else” Is You

The definition of “better” includes being more pleasing, acceptable, or of greater quality, usefulness, or suitability than something else.  While it’s a good thing to be acceptable, useful and suitable – the trouble comes in trying to be better than something else.  And, let’s face it, we’re typically trying to be better than someone else.

It’s a great concept in the world of business and sports, but when we attempt to surpass someone/something else with regard to pursuing our purpose in life, we wind up making judgment calls about that person.  And what happens when that someone else is ourselves?  Is there something wrong with trying to be better than ourselves?  My debatable answer is… yes, there is a problem.

Do you realize that God does not call us to be a “better” person? I’ve searched scripture (and the internet) and can’t find it anywhere.  However, there are plenty of times when he calls us to be a different person… a new person.  (2 Corinthians 5:17 and Ephesians 4:22-24 are just two.)

I like how CS Lewis put it:

“God became man to turn creatures into sons: not simply to produce better men of the old kind but to produce a new kind of man. It is not like teaching a horse to jump better and better but like turning a horse into a winged creature. Of course, once it has got its wings, it will soar over fences which could never have been jumped and thus beat the natural horse at its own game…”

When we try be more pleasing, acceptable, or of greater quality, usefulness, or suitability than what we were in the past, we are taking on a responsibility that God has not given us: judging ourselves (both in the past and now).  In 1 Corinthians 4 the Apostle Paul denounces this.

Looking back on who I was ten years ago, I don’t know if I can claim to be a better person now, but I can confidently state I am a different person. Why should I attempt to prove myself against a long-irrelevant standard or compete against/surpass a past version of myself?  I am not who I was – I have acquired new ways of thinking and doing things.  My direction has changed – the activities I am involved in are not the same. My current decisions are made for what I am pursuing now, not then.

Each of us has a unique purpose and an inimitable way to pursue it.  This quest is not a struggle to transcend ourselves, but an invitation to build upon what God has given us to do – where we are and as who we are now without comparative references.

self compete

Getting Out of Your Own Way – Part 6 of 6

In order to fully pursue the purpose God has placed on our lives, we are looking at how to avoid self-defeating behaviors. Each week for six weeks we’re looking at one of the following:

To get out of you own way, you need to remember…

1. …your identity
2. …what you are doing
3. …your purpose
4. …the people
5. …to be strategic
6. …the outcome

For the final week:

REMEMBER THE OUTCOME

“My purpose is all about me.”   Well, it is and it isn’t. It is about your passion and your talents and what you are doing in your life. But  in the end it’s about how all of those things put together influence and impact the world you live in. Often we find ourselves working towards only what will bring us attention, respect, etc. – getting people to see and to respond to us in the way we manipulate want them to.

Ultimately, our goal in finding God’s design for our life must be focused on accomplishing something worthwhile for Him. And God’s basic thing is relationship. That is the ultimate outcome that we shoot for. And that is where it is “all about me” – as in “Him and me.”

He stated that the greatest commandment is “to love the Lord Your God” and the second “love your neighbor.” When we lose that basic understanding, we are defeated before we even begin. The greatest design we plan, the greatest service we provide, the greatest product we develop, the greatest sale we make, the greatest goal we achieve – it means nothing. The use of God’s gifts to simply achieve greatness or self-satisfaction will bring neither.

When you are stuck and unable to move forward in your purpose, take a moment to ask: ” How is my relationship with God?”  When that is settled, you can face the challenges, side issues, and feelings of defeat with a sense of hope that everything will come together eventually and that everything does not need to be figured out perfectly. When you realize that neither the weight of the world nor the accomplishment of your purpose in life is completely  on your shoulders, it will be easier to get unfrozen and move on.

One of my favorite musical artist, Sarah Groves, succinctly writes about  the sense of things not being quite right in her song How Is It Between Us.  Link below.

http://youtu.be/e5zkOfSJSn4

Getting Out of Your Own Way – Part 5 of 6

In order to fully pursue the purpose God has placed on our lives, we are looking at how to avoid self-defeating behaviors.  Each week for six weeks we’re looking at one of the following:

To get out of you own way, you need to remember…

1. …your identity
2. …what you are doing 
3. …your purpose 

4. …the people 

5. …to be strategic 
6. …the outcome

This week:

REMEMBER TO BE STRATEGIC

Let’s look at two areas where you need to be intentional:

  1. Time
  2. Opportunity
TIME

It’s easy to get stuck and unable to move forward in your purpose when you don’t have a plan to reach that purpose.  When your approach is to work on it when you have a chunk of time or when a prospect presents itself or when the spirit moves you, you are dead in the water before you even begin. No matter what your purpose is, you need a PLAN.  Yes, that means goals and objectives.  Yes, that means a to-do list.  Yes, it means tracking your progress.

You have been given a talent.  It’s your obligation to share it with the world. There’s no need put it on the back burner of your life.  Have a plan, work on it a little bit each day.  If you don’t, you ARE sabotaging yourself.

strategy quote

OPPORTUNITY

I have a friend who always seemed to be in the right place at the right time.  She has met celebrated people and had incredible offers fall into her lap.  However she never learned how to be strategic with these opportunities.  She assumed this run of good fortune was how her life would always be.  Rather than realizing that these events were stepping stones to create a path to her success, she thought that they were success in themselves.   She didn’t realize she needed to develop relationships and connections with and through these events.  I’m sure you know what happened next.  The well dried up.  Opportunities stopped presenting themselves.  Because she had depended on them to keep her moving forward, she had no plan for what to do next.  She sabotaged herself because she only thought about and reacted to things as they came along and didn’t think about developing them for the future.  Had she been strategic she would not be where she is now:  hoping that “God has something out there somewhere… eventually.”

You cannot depend on one source to provide everything you need – not one person, not one organization, not one opportunity – no matter how wonderful or permanent it may seem.   It’s important to network – both with people and in ideas.   When an opportunity comes along or a new relationship presents itself, look beyond the immediate/obvious benefits.

You can read my previous post on Being Intentional and Networking by clicking here.

Next week:  REMEMBERING THE OUTCOME

Getting Out of Your Own Way – Part 1

In order to fully pursue the purpose God has placed on our lives, we are looking at how to avoid self-defeating behaviors.  Each week for six weeks we’re looking at one of the following:

To get out of you own way, you need to remember…
1. …your identity
2. …what you are doing
3. …your purpose
4. …the people
5. …to be strategic
6. …the outcome

This week:

REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY

Your identity, your value, is neither dependent on the things you do nor on the opinions of other people.  The list of titles you hold or the roles you play do not validate who you are.  Being CEO, or manager, or movie star, or salesperson, or writer, or parent, or spouse is not the measure of your life.   Your finished “To Do” list does not give you meaning.  If you receive position, power, wealth, security, etc. from a person, then a person can take it away.  If you receive it from an event or activity, it will last only as long as that event or activity is deemed important or remembered by others.

Ecclesiastes 2:11

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

You are significant because God loves you. He called and you responded.  You cannot earn it by what you do, so you cannot lose it by what you do (or don’t do).  God gives it freely to you and will not take it away.  Mistakes, delays, failures, successes, accomplishments, advances – they do not affect His view of you or His heart for you.  Nothing can change God’s passion for you.

 Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As you pursue your purpose, you will face many challenges and roadblocks.  Don’t allow them to undermine who you think you are or who you think God is.  It is important to remember that these difficulties have nothing to do with who you are but are about what you are trying to do… which is next week’s topic.

Next week:  REMEMBER WHAT YOU ARE DOING

Getting Out of Your Own Way – Introduction

On Burn Bright’s Facebook and Twitter accounts, I recently asked readers to complete the following sentence: “The biggest obstacle keeping me from truly pursuing my purpose is __________.”

The overwhelming response boiled down to just one word: MYSELF. Whether exhibited as procrastination, lack of focus, perfectionism, or fear (of change, of failure, etc.), this self-defeating behavior is a challenge everyone faces. We undermine ourselves and become paralyzed, unable to move forward.

Can we get unstuck? Yes, we can. And we must. How do we get unstuck? In order to break past our block, we have to change the way we think. Easy to say, hard to do? Yes, but as writer/speaker Denise Vaughan says,

“Moving forward, even if I’m scared, is a better feeling than being stuck – or regressing.”

From my own experiences of self-sabotage (and there have been a few), I have discovered that there are six things to consider, specifically related to pursuing your purpose, that will help you get out of your own way.

It’s a big subject, so over the next six weeks I’ll focus on one step per week, digging into detail about what each one means and how to correct the way we think about it. So bookmark this blog and come back and join the conversation.

To get out of you own way, you need to remember…
1. …your identity
2. …what you are doing
3. …your purpose
4. …the people
5. …to be strategic
6. …the outcome

Next week: REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY

Self sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.
Alyce P Cornyn-Selby
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